One conflict I can think of that I had recently (about a month ago) was with my best friend Amber. We were going to go out of town for a softball tournament and she has come with for the last 4 years with my team. We go and hang out she goes shopping and we watch our other friends play ball. It is just a nice girls get away weekend with no husbands or boyfriends. Recently every time I asked her to do something she always said no. I have tried to be understanding because I knew she was going through some things and just shook it off like no big deal. Well a week before we were suppose to leave for this tournament she texts me and says she doesn’t want to go, it will be too much money and she just didn’t want to go this year. This text was the first thing I saw in the morning and after her bailing on me for the last three weeks I had had enough. I text her back because she was at work, and told her I was fed up with her canceling our plans all the time and then canceling on me this time. We went on texting each other all day saying hurtful things to each other, now that I think back on it. We didn’t talk again till I was getting ready to leave and she called and wished my team luck and said she was sorry. By then I was mostly over it as well, but still hurt that she backed out. I replied with my thanks and told her I would call her when I got back. After that I just let it go. It never really got resolved but, we both kinda moved on from it.
From this course there are some strategies that I could have done differently to maybe help us both out. First off I don’t think that she was really seeing things from my side. According to Thirdside, “In order to consider the whole you need to understand each side within itself. We often predispose ourselves to seeing the world one way. Listening allows us on opportunity to see from multiple vantage points and allows us to see the whole” (http://www.thirdside.org, 2014). I try to be supportive and understanding of what she was going through at the time but, I don’t think she was seeing things from my side. If we would have actually sat down and tried to understand each other’s point of view, I am sure we would have worked things out sooner.
The second strategy is to not avoid the conflict. I am not much for conflict and that is why I let this go on for so long before I blew up. That is also why I didn’t really say anything when she called me back. I had said what I wanted to say and I was done with it. I didn’t want to argue anymore. However, “Conflict is a natural and healthy process, necessary for making progress and dealing with injustice. The world may actually need more conflict, not less, if the appropriate skills are known and conflict can be managed productively.” (http://www.thirdside.org, 2014).
With this classI would have handled this situation completely differently. I would not have avoided the situation as much as I did. I would have listened more to what she had to say and see more of her side. I hope with me doing this, Amber would have tried to see things more from my side as well.
Resources:
The Third Side. (n.d.). The third side. Retrieved from http://www.thirdside.org/ Retrieved from https://class.waldenu.edu/ on August 2, 2014.
I completely understand the desire to avoid conflict and probably would have handled it similarly to how you handled it although as the course text points out conflict avoidance is not the most effective way to resolve conflicts.
ReplyDeleteRachael,
ReplyDeleteThank you for an honest and sincere posting on a recent issue with conflict and communication you experienced. I can tell this was a difficult time for you and can share that my boyfriend and I have both recently experienced similar issues with long time friends, as well. It is never easy and ultimately someone always ends up feeling slighted. I think learning and using the strategies you mentioned will be helpful to all of us professionally and personally. Thank you again for sharing.
Ashley Richards